I will not lie to you. What you are going through sucks. You spend your days alternating between sheer happiness that a terrible, unhealthy relationship is over and mourning the loss of companionship and consistency. But mainly, you obsess over everything that you think is wrong with you and how you screwed up. You ask what you could have done differently and if you had just changed this or compromised that, you wouldn't be alone and miserable. You wouldn't feel unloveable and sad. You'd still be in that relationship that, although it wasn't what you wanted or needed, was still better than being alone.
It's pretty shitty.
But let me say this: it is better to be by yourself than with someone who makes you feel bad and doesn't give you what you need. It is better to be alone than with someone who doesn't support you. It is better to be alone and temporarily miserable than in a relationship with someone who makes you permanently unhappy. And also? You are not alone.
You have friends, amazing friends, who love you unconditionally. You are smart, talented, beautiful and caring. But most importantly, you are a survivor. You have survived–successfull, I might add– way worse than this. And just like you emerged from those situations stronger, the same will happen this time.
And when the time is right, you will find the right person for you. You will find someone who appreciates how amazing you are, and supports all your goals and dreams. Someone who loves you as whole heartedly as you love him. Someone who shows you, with words AND actions, just much you enhance his life.
Because that's what you deserve.
Since you love music, I'm using Tesla's Love Song just for you. Even if you don't watch the video, close your eyes and listen to the words. You need to hear them.
It may not seem like it now but it does get easier. I promise.