Today is Valentine’s Day. I do not celebrate Valentine’s Day for several reasons. One, I cannot get behind a holiday where my husband (or anyone’s husband, significant other, partner, whatever) is made to feel like a piece of shit if he doesn’t spend $80,000 on flowers and jewelry. Two, I cannot get behind a holiday where anyone is forced to tell me that he loves me. If someone loves me, he should say it whenever he feels like it, not on some arbitrary day. And three, I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day because of one specific incident that happened about 12 years ago.
My husband and I have been together since October 1996. That’s a lot of Valentine’s Days. Our first Valentine’s Day, I was drunk and he spent the night holding my hair back while I threw up.That’s actually the sweetest thing he’s done on Valentine’s Day. My husband is a notoriously bad gift giver, and his Valentine’s Day gifts are excruciatingly terrible. One year, for my present, he bought me a balloon and cheesecake. While there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with a balloon and cheesecake, it was clearly something he had picked up last minute with absolutely no thought (the cheesecake was not exactly my favorite flavor). Then, to make matters worse, he ate the damn cheesecake while I was in the shower. After that, I was done. I couldn’t be disappointed anymore. So I quit Valentine’s Day.
It’s something I’ve maintained since Valentine’s Day 2000. And I’m not backing down. I think it’s a stupid waste of holiday, designed to make men in relationships feel guilty, women in relationships feel disappointed and single people feel depressed and pissed off. A happy day, indeed.
To celebrate how much money I’ve saved by not participating in this ridiculous greeting card holiday, I’ve selected the most romantic song I could think of–Ugly Kid Joe’s “Everything About You”.