Home is a funny place. Home is where we’re supposed to go to escape from the stress of friends, work, and the outside world in general. But home can also be a place of stress and feeling overwhelmed if you’re not careful. That’s why it’s important to do what we can to eliminate it as much as possible when you’re inside the 4 walls of your home.

While it’s not possible to control everything that causes anxiety and overwhelmedness (I’m starting to think I need to petition to make this a word), it is possible to take some action:

Have a budget. This goes without saying. One of the biggest causes for being overwhelmed is money. Bills, savings, long term planning, day to day expenses—money is part of our day, every day, whether we like it or not. And there is just so much to do! However, trying to do it all at once is frustrating so I recommend, like almost every other personal finance writer that has ever existed, have a budget. Having a budget will eliminate a good deal of your sense of being overwhelmed. You won’t have to figure out how much to pay the credit card company or decided what you have for groceries or put off that necessary haircut or contribute to savings. You’ll already know because you put it all on paper. If you don’t know where to start, Dave Ramsey’s website has a great free tool to get you started.

Having a budget sounds like a lot of work and it is. But the outcome is worth the effort, and your stress level will thank you.

Create a meal plan. I was not blessed with the ability to look at raw ingredients and whip up a meal at a moment’s notice. I know this because, for a while, I tried. I would go to the supermarket, buy what I wanted, and hope that meals would come out of it. They did not. And I would get overwhelmed because I knew I had to feed my family but I couldn’t figure out what so I would maybe freak out a little, perhaps throw in a bit of yelling, and then declare I was not cooking and we needed to order in (like the dad in A Christmas Story. “Everybody, upstairs. Get dressed. We are going out to eat”). Needless to say, it wrecked our budget.

So I decided that I needed to meal plan. And while meal planning does help keep our grocery budget under control, it mainly gives me a sense of calm regarding what to make for dinner. I don’t get overwhelmed at the thought of having to cobble something together that would probably taste terrible and my freak outs are kept to a minimum. Everyone appreciates that.

Organize. We’ve already discussed why it’s important to get organized and methods to do so I’m not going to rehash that. However, I do want to add a bit. Getting organized at home makes everything run much more smoothly and it prevents those “everything is going crazy all at once and I need a break or I’m going to build a blanket cocoon and stay in there with my wine and only my dog is allowed to visit me” moments (although, admittedly, that does sound like a pretty good day). Having your home organized means you’ll get out the door on time. Having your home organized means you won’t have to buy a birthday present 20 minutes before the birthday party nor will you have to feverishly search for wrapping paper. Having your home organized means you get free time back because keys don’t get lost, backpacks aren’t misplaced, and bills are paid on time (you can also accomplish this by automating your bills, something I highly, highly recommend). Having your home organized means you can do activities as a family in peace instead of chaos (controlled chaos is okay. Actual chaos, not so much).

In fact, being organized is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. It doesn’t have to be a Pinterest worthy organizational system. It just has to be something that works for you and your family. (Note: lists are my go-to organizational tool. Actually, I love lists so much I have a whole post planned discussing how lists can keep you from feeling overwhelmed).

Whether you live in a household of 1 or 10, there’s opportunity to become overwhelmed. Stressors come with every circumstance and it’s important to find a way to combat that.

Readers, what do you do in your household to keep from feeling overwhelmed? 

This week, we’re going to talk about how to handle being overwhelmed in 3 key areas: home, work, and obligations to others. Today, we talk about work.

If you ask anyone how work is going, they’ll probably answer “busy”. It’s just the standard response because if we say anything other than busy, others might assume that we’re not busy and don’t have enough to do and that just looks bad. No one wants that. At least that‘s how it was for me when I worked in a traditional office.

Besides not wanting to look bad, I liked being busy at work. I figured if I was going to get up, get dressed, put on makeup, get my daughter to daycare, spend 9 hours away from her every day, and sit in traffic, I better have a lot to do. Otherwise, I felt my job was a waste of my time, regardless of the paycheck I received every 2 weeks. Usually, I was pretty good about finding work to do. If I wasn’t working on a project, I would tweak my training program, write case notes (when I was a probation officer), edit reports…any little task that needed to be done but often got pushed aside for the major tasks. And yes, I would read the news and blogs and maybe browse Amazon. Even busy people need breaks!

For the most part, I maintained a system that kept my workload manageable and the quality of my work up to my standards.

However, I had one particular job that managed to keep me overwhelmed on a daily basis. This job, as a social services administrator (state lingo for “we don’t really know what to call this job so we’ll give it an important sounding title that’s not really important at all”), kept me busy to the point of being chronically overwhelmed. We’re talking so overwhelmed to the point that on some days, I just didn’t do anything because every project was a top priority and no matter which one I worked on, it was going to be wrong. So I did nothing. All day. Maybe some days I cried. Maybe some days I yelled. Most days I looked for a new job. But until I found that job, I had to find a way to manage the overwhelming workload and the complete lack of direction and input from my supervisor.

I know I’m not the only one who’s been in that position. Many people I’ve talked to over the years have, at one time or another, been so overwhelmed at work that they just can’t function. They miss deadlines, make mistakes, forget meetings, and slip up in other ways that negatively impact their performance reviews and potential bonuses and raises (and promotions). Enough mistakes and you can be out of a job.

And that really, really sucks. (Unless you really, really hate your job and then you’re thinking of getting fired as sweet relief. That’s totally okay, too.) Since most of us aren’t fortunate enough to be so wealthy that we can forgo employment, it’s crucial to learn how to handle being overwhelmed at work. Here’s a few ways to do that:

1. Ask for help. If you’re tasked with something you just don’t know how to do, seek out someone who knows how to do it. Sitting at your desk, staring at the information you can’t process will only make you more frustrated and overwhelmed. It’ll make you do shabby, incorrect work, particularly if you’re just guessing at what you need to do.  Then you’ll have to redo it all and that’ll just make you angry and cause mistakes and the cycle will repeat. So, instead, just ask for help. Remember, though, if you are going to ask for help, don’t ask someone to do the task for you; rather, ask if he or she can show you how to do it. Make sure to schedule a meeting and put it in writing. Also, make sure to come to the meeting prepared with specific questions and information.  Not only does this make you look more professional, it shows a respect for the person’s time which may make him more apt to help you in the future.
2. Close your email. Leaving your email open all day is not only a complete distraction but it’s a surefire way to get overwhelmed. Imagine you’re working on a big project and in the midst of it, an email from your boss pops up. You feel that, because it’s from your boss, you need to attend to it right away.  So you stop what you’re doing to deal with the email, come back to the abandoned project three hours later, forget what you were doing and freak out that you’ll never finish in time.  That’s not good for anyone. So, close your email. Eliminate that distraction for the time being and when you’re done, open your email back up and deal with those new tasks at that point. Believe me, if your boss wants something from you that badly, she’ll interrupt you anyway.
3. Take breaks. I’m not talking about calling out sick every time you’re freaked out about your to-do list or the 16 mandatory yet pointless meetings in 2 days or the major presentation you need to put together and deliver in front of an entire department. I’m talking about stepping away from your desk, getting some fresh air, going out to lunch with a co-worker, or anything else that gets you away from the never ending list of items to finish. Getting away, doing something fun and non-work related allows you a mental health reprieve that, when it’s over, leaves you feeling empowered to return to your desk and deal with whatever it is that’s staring you in the face. Having that break snaps you out of the sinkhole of overwhelmedness that causes you to freeze in the middle of a task, or worse—stop caring about the quality of the work you do. And, while it’s important to take breaks no matter what your industry, it is essential to do so if you work in a service oriented field like social work or retail.

Being overwhelmed is not a fun feeling. It’s even less fun at work. It’s important to learn how to manage that feeling in this environment because when you can’t, those negative emotions seep into other aspect of our lives. And that really sucks.

Readers, what are some ways you handle being overwhelmed at work, whether you’re self-employed or work for someone else?  

Yeah, I can’t do this.

I admit that one of my biggest sources of overwhelmedness and anxiety is me. I bring on much of it by putting way too much pressure on myself, no matter what the circumstance. This is amplified by the fac that, I expect myself to be able to do everything perfectly the first time I try and without asking for help.

Let’s take sewing as an example. As part of my pioneer project, I decided I needed to learn how to sew. I had never sewn anything except a button or a seam in my life. I think once I made a decorative pillow. That’s it. But for some reason, I expected myself to be able to sew a 9 square quilt perfectly. This included cutting the fabric in nice straight lines, sewing the squares together neatly, and actually being able to read and understand the directions. So imagine my surprise when I pulled out the instructions in one of my pioneer manuals, looked at it, and couldn’t understand a single word. That shit might as well have been written in Swedish. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t figure out what I needed to do. Also, I cut my finger with the rotary cutter and bled about a pint of blood into a towel. Never mind the lack of straight edges and the mess that was sewing the mismatched squares together.

What I did was an epic failure. And really, really ugly. I became overwhelmed with the fact that I couldn’t perfectly complete the project and it made me want to quit  learning to sew.

But I didn’t. Instead, I took a couple of sewing classes, talked to some people who know what they’re doing and decided that maybe a quilt isn’t the best place to start. Maybe I needed to pick something less complicated. Something that I could actually start. And finish and not have it look like crap. So I did and now I’m sewing cloth napkins. And they’re really not that atrocious (if you sign up for the Townhouse Pioneer newsletter, you’ll be able to see some pictures). Also, now when I look at pattern directions, I don’t freak out. I can actually go through them, slowly, until I understand what I need to do. I take it step by step, piece by piece, until I’ve worked through the pattern in its entirety.

My emotions ran the gamut as I worked through this process. Although I started out feeling completely overwhelmed and ended up monstrously frustrated, I ended up pretty happy and feeling confident in my ability to sew a few necessities.It also taught me a few things: 

1. It’s okay not to be perfect. In fact, being perfect sucks. It’s not very fun, it’s exhausting, and who wants that kind of pressure anyway? Embracing our flaws affords us the opportunity to make mistakes and laugh them off instead of having our day ruined by them. By not putting pressure on ourselves to be perfect, we don’t have to get overwhelmed at the thought of all that’s involved in achieving perfection. We can relax a bit knowing that the imperfections are what makes us (and the end product of whatever it is we’re trying to accomplish) unique.
2. Stop comparing yourself to others. There are people I know who can sew beautiful quilts, purses, clothes, hats…you name it, they can sew it. When I look at their products, I get overwhelmed with frustration that I’ll never be able to make those items. I go back to the place I was when I tried to make that simple 9 square quilt. Then I have to remind myself that comparing my ability to theirs is futile. They’ve been doing this for many moons more than I have and, in the case of one woman, it’s what she does for a living. Of course she’s better than me. She’s had more practice! I also have to remind myself that they started where I am. They didn’t achieve that level of skill overnight and neither will I.
3. Embrace weaknesses. There are a tremendous amount of things I cannot do. For instance, I cannot run a marathon. I cannot draw. I cannot watch the movie The Rock without falling asleep. I cannot get a ponytail to stay in my daughter’s hair nor can I cut hair. I cannot eat anything red without staining my clothes. I cannot reach things on a high shelf. And I cannot sew a quilt. And you know what? I’m totally fine with that. By learning and accepting the things that I cannot do, I’ve learned to appreciate the things I can do. Because those are just fine, too.

When we put the pressure on ourselves to achieve immediate perfection at something new or on a task that we know we struggle with, it sets us up to fail. And the next time we’re faced with a similar circumstance, it launches us right back to the feeling of being overwhelmed which then causes us to run away and possibly miss out on a fun opportunity. Which totally sucks.

So go a little easier on yourself. Be who you are, flaws, weaknesses and all. Wear your imperfections as a badge of honor instead of a cloak of shame. Doing so will make that feeling of being overwhelmed all the time dissipate.

So now you’ve written down your goals and placed them somewhere conspicuous. That’s a great first step because now you know what you’re focusing on and what actions you need to take to achieve those goals. But now comes the next step: getting organized.

Organization is a great way to help contain the feeling of being overwhelmed. I know for me, when I’m in a clean, organized, and functional environment, it’s much easier to start (and finish) tasks. I can think more rationally (and confidently!) about what I need to do instead of getting frustrated and feeling hopeless that nothing will get accomplished. That is productive only for my progress on Candy Crush. Knowing that, I decided to do something about it.

But how did I do it? Well, that’s what I’m here to tell you. Here’s a few of my favorite organizational techniques:

1. Clean and decluttering my environment. One of my anxiety triggers is a messy, cluttered desk (and house. I hate living in a cluttered house. My family doesn’t seem to mind it as much). If I look at my desk and there’s too much crap on and around it, I get so overwhelmed at the site that I walk away.  I simply cannot function in that kind of environment and goals won’t be reached if I walk away. So, the first step to getting organized was to clean my desk. I dusted, threw out anything that I didn’t need or got in the way, sorted my office supplies and files, and moved the child’s stuff into its own corner of the office. Then I harassed my husband to finally clean up his stuff, too. Because we share an office and stepping over his crap to get to my desk thwarted all my attempts to create a clean environment.  And finally, I reorganized and cleaned the bookshelf in our office so I could easily find fiction, nonfiction, reference, and children’s books (yes, I am a nerd. I embrace that). Walking into that kind of functional space makes it a much more inviting environment to work.

2. Keep one central calendar. Although we have a calendar in our kitchen, that’s more for family informational purposes (and so my husband knows where to look to find out such crucial information). I put appointments, school closings, birthdays, parties, and family events on that calendar; that’s it. But on my desk sits the master calendar that not only contains all of the same information as the family calendar but all of my deadlines for Bloggers Helping Bloggers, guest post and freelancing posts due dates, library book due dates, paydays, Zumba stuff, and pretty much everything else you can think of to put on a calendar. Having it all in one place not only keeps me organized but if I’m overwhelmed with the amount of obligations, I can look at the calendar and know when to say “no”.  Being able to say “no” definitely helps keep the overwhelmedness to a minimum (this is actually going to be its own post).

3. Storage containers. Storage containers have been a lifesaver for me. They help keep my desk, pantry, child’s toys, pet stuff, and fabric organized instead of in a jumbled mess. They make it so if I need an item, I know exactly where to go. There’s no wasting time looking for keys or my Beaker Tervis cup or the dogs favorite toys or corn starch or anything I could need. And not only are they functional, they’re kind of pretty (well, the ones I can afford are kind of pretty. The ones I want are very pretty). They’re an easy, cheap, and productive way to make a room nicer (a clean room is a nicer room) and with the amount of sizes, shapes, colors, and prices, there’s a way to fit all my needs and budget circumstances. Also included in this category are notebooks. I love notebooks. I have them for a variety of projects and ideas, and they’re all properly labeled. Granted they’re filled with notes and post-its, but at least I know where to find them all!

Getting organized is so essential not only to mental health but to working towards your goals. When you’re organized you can actually see what’s in front of you instead of digging through a mess.  If you’re anything like me, once you’re done digging through the mess, you’re too exhausted to do anything else. And that leads to frustration and anger and feeling overwhelmed that there’s just too much to do and the important goals will never get attended to. It’s a vicious cycle. So why not just take a few hours and get organized. Because once you are organized, it’s much easier to stay that way.

Readers, what’s your favorite organizational tip? Leave it in the comments and let’s all get organized together!

A few days ago, starting this series seemed like a good idea. After all, it’s been something I’ve wanted to do, I

know it’ll help some readers, and maybe it’ll be something I can turn into a short eBook, helping solve a little bit of my income problem. But when I sat down to start it, guess what happened? Yup. I got overwhelmed.

How’s that for a kick in the face?

I got overwhelmed mainly for two reasons: one, I had no clue what should be the correct order of tasks and two, thinking of how I am going to get it all done. In fact, these thoughts almost prompted me to shutter the series with a heartfelt apology before I even started. But then I stepped back, took a deep breath, allowed the anxiety to have it’s moment, and moved on.

If you’re facing a mountain of debt, you’ve probably experienced similar thoughts, particularly once you’ve listed all of your debt. You look at the total and think “holy shit! There is no way I am ever going to pay all of this off before I die. It’s impossible and I should just quit now. And where do I even start?!” Then you might yell, decide it’s not worth the effort, and curl into a ball and cry (or was that just me?).

But just like me quitting the series before it starts, crying, yelling, and ignoring the problem isn’t going to make it go away. I’d still want to write a series and you’ll still want to pay off your debt (or whatever huge hurdle you’re facing). So how do we get over feeling overwhelmed at the massiveness of the challenge we’re facing?

Well, to start, we need to set goals. It is virtually impossible to do anything without knowing what you want to accomplish. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, take out a piece of paper and pen, or whatever goal tracking app you like to use, and write down both short and long term goals. For instance, if you’re overwhelmed at how much debt to pay off, your goals can look like this:

Long term

1. Be debt free
2. Maximize my savings and retirement fund
3. Travel
4. Pay cash for my dream car

Short term

1. Eliminate 2 debts within 6 months
2. Start an emergency fund
3. Open a retirement account

Seems pretty simple, right? It is. Because they’re your goals and they can be anything you want them to be. Just make sure you write them down and put them somewhere conspicuous (I hang mine on the bulletin board above my desk).

You are also going to want to list all the action steps you need to take to accomplish the goals. Those action steps are what you are going to focus on to get over feeling overwhelmed. Having a plan of attack, with specific, achievable, easy to complete tasks is actually very calming. You’ll know exactly what you need to do without having to think too much about it and, while the list might be long, you really just need accomplish one task at a time. Don’t look at every single one every day. Look at the one you can do right now and then do it. Maybe it’s making the initial deposit in a savings account. Maybe it’s paying an extra $10 to your student loan. Maybe it’s creating a Pinterest board of all the things you’d like to do once you have the money. Just do something small, something simple to get you started. You’ll find that doing one small thing and checking it off your list will make the entirety of what you have to do seem much less overwhelming. And it’ll also be much easier to do the next item. A momentum snowball, if you will.

The thing about goals is that they set the foundation for everything else you are going to do. Goals give you focus and direction and make a daunting situation seem that much less so. You will know what you are aiming for and you’ll have a sense of purpose as to why you’re doing it.

So let’s get started. If you’re feeling overwhelmed about something, what are some goals you can set to help manage that feeling? Leave them in the comments below if you want, share them on Facebook, or write them down for your own private use. Just get them out there!

Approximately 6 weeks ago, I decided to do a spending freeze. I had noticed that my discretionary spending was getting a bit out of control and I needed a way to rein it back in. My friend Steph over at Life According to Steph was just getting started on her own spending freeze so it was just the push I   needed to begin my own.

This wasn’t the first time I had done something like this; in fact, I think I’ve mentioned that for years I was part of a no spend/controlled spend challenge. My years doing that helped tremendously when my husband and I were paying off our consumer debt and I really made me focus on wants versus needs. It was time to revisit that, except with my “fun” money rather than my household income.

So how did I do?

Overall, I did pretty well. I didn’t track the amount of money I spent during my spending freeze (because I wasn’t perfect. I admit it. I reported many of my transgressions on Facebook) but I don’t believe it came to more than $75. In my defense, about half of that was for charity. I spent $20 on a registration fee for my YMCA’s Strong Kids Campaign Zumbathon and another $10 in raffle tickets during a Zumba master class (the money went to the Delaware Ronald McDonald House). In good news, I won a prize during the raffle and the value of the prize far exceeded what I donated (the Zumba pants alone are worth $65). Oh, and I gave $2 to my daughter’s school so she could participate in stuffed animal day. That money went to a fundraiser for a child in the school who’s doing a brain tumor awareness walkathon. So that was the good, selfless spending.

The bad spending came in the form of several iced teas from Dunkin Donuts,  some sodas, one lunch out, a couple of bottles of nail polish, late fees at the library (this is a terrible, terrible problem that I have. I am getting better but it’s still really, really bad), and some fabric for my Townhouse Pioneer project (speaking of which, have you signed up for the newsletter yet? No? Well, why not? It’s free and it launches soon!). I can justify some of the spending but I’m not going to. I’m going to just say that when it comes to certain items I am weak, have no willpower, and probably need to add a line item to my budget for them. Or remove them altogether because I really don’t need to drink soda anyway and I need about 75 hands in order to wear all the nail polish I have.  Also, I should probably stop being so damn lazy and just make more iced tea at home when we run out.

But wait! There’s good news. While I spent some money over the last 6 weeks that I didn’t need to or shouldn’t have, I did refrain on a number of occasions, particularly on my biggest budget busters. For instance, I added a number of books to my Amazon shopping cart but never actually bought them. I got a couple of new songs for my iPhone but I had an Amazon local coupon for 2 free songs so no money left my pocket.  I bought nothing frivolous or unbudgeted for my daughter during the 6 weeks (or my dogs or cat. They get spoiled, too). I paid for zero new apps and did not get another pedicure. Those are all huge victories for me.

I also took complete advantage of the Redbox coupons I get every week. We have an entertainment budget but it tends to disappear quickly, mainly due to the fact that I’m horrible with remembering to use coupons. That substantially improved over these last 6 weeks and we even remembered to return a few of the movies within the 24 hour period before we get charged for another day. Small steps. Small steps.

The other thing I did that helped improve my spending was to clean out my part of our bedroom. I reorganized all my makeup and beauty products, evaluated my clothes and shoes, and sorted all my craft stuff. Being aware of what’s on hand made it so I didn’t waste money on duplicate items and talked me off the ledge when I wanted to buy something (ex., Jana, you really don’t need a third bottle of blue nail polish. Jana, there are 12 glue sticks in the house. Jana, you still have 4 tubes of lip balm. Stuff like that).

So what do I do now?

Now I take the habits and lessons I learned during the last 6 weeks and start applying them to my daily routine. I need to get better about saving my money since right now, I’m not earning any (we can talk about this another day. But it’s bad. Thankfully, my husband has a nice, steady secure job).  I think what might also help is doing an envelope system for what’s left of my discretionary income. This is how we manage our household money and it’s made a huge difference. Maybe it’ll help with this as well.

What do you think? 

For a long time, I’ve wanted to do a month long series on DMS. I love the ones that Money Saving Mom, and several other bloggers, do. They’re informative, helpful, encourage action, and are engaging. But I didn’t want to do something like housecleaning or how to declutter or organizing your finances or renovating your grocery shopping habits. Those have already been done by Money Saving Mom and a number of other bloggers; I don’t want to reinvent the wheel. And those series are also really, really good. Probably better than what I could come up with (if you’re interested in those, I’ll be happy to point you in their direction).

So I decided to focus on something else. It’s more…feelings oriented but it’s a feeling that, if we’re not careful, can have a series impact on our finances. What am I talking about? I’m talking about feeling overwhelmed.

I once wrote a post about how I get overwhelmed and intimidated by other bloggers, specifically the fact that most of them seem more ambitious, dedicated, and creative than I. Many bloggers seem to have a number of successful ventures running at one time but meanwhile, I can’t even finish half a thought without getting sidetracked. While this has improved slightly since I wrote that last post, I still find myself getting overwhelmed with just how much there is to do.

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who has a problem with this. So I figured we could work through it together.

The series will focus 21 tasks I’ve established to manage feeling overwhelmed with work, life, blogging (or whatever hobbies you have), and everything else that happens on a basis. Starting Friday 5/3 (spending freeze recap will be tomorrow), and throughout the month of May, we’ll discuss a problem that causes anxiety and feeling overwhelmed and actions we can take to fix the problem (and we’ll also talk about how it can affect your finances. This is a personal finance site after all!). We’ll further the discussion on Facebook so make sure to like Daily Money Shot and participate in those discussions. I’d love your input!

Here’s the master list of tasks we’ll discuss (note—while the list is not in order, the tasks will be written in such a way that you can build on each new task with the previous one):

1. Get organized
2. Tackle one task at a time
3. Make a list and prioritize that list
4. Take a break
5. Do a social media detox
6. Create a schedule
7. Accept your weaknesses
8. Play to your strengths
9. Don’t compare your situation to others
10. Ask for help
11. Limit your obligations
12. Take a day off
13. Make time for yourself
14. Minimize and/or simplify
15. Automate your finances
16. Keep one master calendar
17. Eliminate things you don’t like
18. Create a meal plan
19. Do what works for you
20. Set goals. Write them down.
21. Realize that it’s okay not to be perfect

A quick reminder: I am not a mental health professional. This series is based entirely on my experience living with anxiety and a paralyzing sense of feeling overwhelmed. If you are experiencing severe anxiety, depression, or any other type of mental dis-ease (got this from Joe Pantoliano’s book Asylum. A great read, by the way), please seek professional help.

So, who’s ready to conquer the beast of overwhelmedness (is that a word? No? It is now).

Last week I was at the dollar store buying some storage bins for my fabric (we'll talk about this when I summarize my spending freeze violations). While waiting on line, I couldn't help but stare at the back of a gentleman in front of me. This happened for two reasons: one, I am short, he was tall and that is where my eyes landed and two, his shirt read “strippers love my pole” (yeah, I laughed, too). I didn't notice what he purchased (which is odd for me because I am generally curious about what people buy at that store) but I did vividly remember his shirt. You don't forget something like that quickly.

After I left the dollar store, I ran a few more errands and then set about driving home. In order to get to my house from this particular shopping center, you need to turn at an intersection that is a prime target for beggars. It's probably this why due to the sheer volume of traffic that crosses through (it's the intersection for 2 major roads) and from what I have seen, these guys (always men. Never women at this location) make a good amount of money. I personally don't give money but I've seen numerous people do so. Which is fine. Not my place to judge what other people do with their money.

I think I am digressing here. Let's regroup and return to the story.

Alright, so I am at the intersection, waiting to turn and I see a man with a sign asking for money. Totally common occurrence. However, this time, the man was of particular interest because….it was the gentleman from the dollar store! And I knowing was him from that super classy t-shirt he was wearing. Apparently he was purchasing some poster board and markers to make his sign. Knowing that sent me down two roads of thought.

The first road was that of anger and annoyance. I mean, here's this guy, spending money he didn't earn on poster board and markers to beg for more money that he's not technically earning. So that annoyed me. Then the angry, rhetorical questions began: How can he have the endurance to stand on a corner and beg but he can't ask for an application at the store he just purchased his begging tools from (there was a “now hiring” sign on the door)? Why isn't he using any of the local services to help himself instead of begging on a corner? Is he in cahoots with the people who I saw begging a few miles up the road? And wouldn't that money have been better spent on some sort of food or drink?

For the record, I know those questions make me sound like a huge insensitive asshole. But I redeem myself now.

As I drove past the man, I let my anger settle down and starting thinking like the compassionate person I know I am. I told myself that maybe he can't read or has a felony or no way for a prospective employer to contact him and that's why he didn't fill out an application. I told myself that maybe he's desperate and embarrassed to be begging and he feels that he's left with no other option so I probably shouldn't shame him any more by thinking horrible thoughts about him. I told myself that maybe he doesn't know about the local services we have available. I told myself to let it go. And I did. I wished him well in his endeavors (in my head. I didn't go back to the intersection to say something) and I made a promise to stop being so judgmental in the future.

I am working on it.

As I was storing my fabric, I spent a few minutes thinking about what a dollar really can buy. And honestly, it's not much. Maybe a dollar menu item or a bag of chips or a bagel from the supermarket bakery. It can buy a local bus ticket, one way. It can buy something from Goodwill or a yard sale. Maybe. A dollar can buy a lottery ticket or wash a load of clothes or buy a piece of fruit or two. A dollar isn't life sustaining but it can help.

Because even with limited buying power, you can use your dollar purchase in a positive way. Buying a bus ticket to the mall or the library gives you a way to look for job. Using your quarters to wash your clothes gives you that confident feeling that comes with being clean. Eating something that is good for you gives you strength and energy to look for work or even make it through the day. And some people see buying a $1 lottery ticket as an investment and potential for large gains.

So maybe that's what this man saw the poster board and markers as. An investment in his survival for that day. And maybe the next time I see someone begging on that corner, I'll push that thought to the front of my mind instead of letting it hang out in the back. Because it's worth giving someone the benefit of the doubt than automatically assuming the worst.

Many of you know that I run a blogger mentoring program. Many of you know that this program is completely free and voluntary. What many of you might not know is that not only is the program free, but I do not earn one single dollar from administering the program. And I’m completely fine with that.

Admitting that you work for free and don’t mind is an unusual statement to make. I’ve thought and planned out numerous ways to make money off of my mentoring program but when it came down to it, I nixed every single one of those plans for several reasons. Although I spend a good amount of time working on all aspect of the program each week, I’m still fine with working for free. Because when it comes down to it, there really are a number of benefits to working for free (whether it’s as a freelancer, intern, volunteer or any other title that can apply to unpaid work):

1. Portfolio building.  If you are just starting out, you need a portfolio of work to show potential clients. This is extremely essential if you work in any sort of artistic freelance capacity such as makeup artist, hairdresser, photographer, graphic designer, even a musician. The best way to build up your body of work is to offer services for free. Once you have a few clients and examples under your belt, you can start showing proof of your outstanding work to potential clients and customers. In exchange for the free work you can ask for…
2. Testimonials. These are so important in the life a freelancer or new business owner. Not only is it great to have examples of your handiwork but having feedback and statements from existing and former clients praising your work allows new clients to have an inside look to what people think of you (and your business).  The better the testimonials, the more inclined others might be to work with you.  You can also gain positive testimonials if you are effective at…
3. Networking. Ah, networking. The shy, unconfident person’s nightmare. But it’s so crucial to running successful business that there’s no way around it. Networking can lead to paying jobs or opportunities to engage in projects to build your portfolio (which can lead to testimonials. It’s great how they’re all connected). If you find it hard to network in person, there are plenty of ways to do it online. This works particularly well for freelance writers, graphic designers, copywriters, and others in those types of fields. Also, when you offer work for free, you might get asked to do so at an event with dozens of top people in your field. This can lead to exposure for you, your work, and your business and might even land you a…
4. Paying job. The ultimate goal when we work for free is to land a paying gig. It doesn’t have to be a full-time job; it can be a bunch of little jobs cobbled together to make for a decent income.  But income is the ultimate goal. In fact, I know a number of people who have started their businesses by doing free work and it’s landed them a paying job. When you work for free, your employer or client get a chance to see firsthand your work ethic, the quality of your outputs, your ability to get along with others, and they get to test your creativity. These are all characteristics that are difficult to ascertain in an interview and can give you the upper hand when it comes to hiring (and can lead to good testimonials which also will help with obtaining paying jobs).

Other potential benefits of working for free include: building work history (extremely important for high school and college graduates looking to enter the traditional workforce), obtaining references, expanding your skill set, and you can be a little pickier about what projects you choose to work on (if you’re freelancing). It also gives you the ability to talk about concrete, specific examples during a job interview rather than giving hypotheticals and abstract answers.

Working, putting in a full-time job hours, and not getting paid is hard to digest. After all, free work doesn’t pay the bills and it doesn’t put food on the table. I really only recommend working for free if you have another source of income for life’s necessities. But if you have that, and you can think about the long-term benefits, then working for free becomes much easier to handle.

Readers, have you ever worked for free? How did it turn out for you?

P.S. While we’re talking about working for free, here’s an opportunity for My friend Ryan owns a career/education company and he’s trying to do some research. He wants to help at least 3 people (for free!) in the following categories:

1. Unemployed people who need a job now, but want to advance their career as well

2. People stuck in a so-called “dead end” job (serving, bartending, sales, etc) but want to start a professional career in another field.

Essentially he’s promised to get you a job if you do what he says and let him document the process. If you’re interested, please send me an email and I’ll put you in touch with him

Today is my 9 year wedding anniversary (insert well wishes, congratulatory sentiments, and statements of shock and awe here).  Over the years, my husband and I engaged in some pretty extravagant activities to commemorate the day we got married and maybe we incurred some debt to do so (cough…trip to Key West…cough). But not this year. This year we got a little smarter and decided that it’s possible to celebrate our anniversary in a special way without spending a fortune.

Here’s what we did (or plan on doing):

1. Went out for breakfast instead of dinner. Although we plan on going out to eat this weekend (probably paid for as an anniversary present from the in-laws), we decided to do something today. So we decided to go get bagels rather than going out to dinner. This saved us money on two fronts: breakfast is way cheaper than dinner when you’re at a restaurant and we didn’t have to pay for a babysitter because our daughter is in school.
2. Bought cards, not presents. Six weeks elapse between my anniversary and my birthday. And there’s Mother’s Day in between. I’ve absolved my husband of expensive (or any, for that matter) anniversary presents for that reason. But we make sure to give each other cards. Lots of savings to be had there (on occasion, we’ve even made cards but ain’t nobody got time for that this year).
3. Stay home and had drinks. Well, not really drinks as I haven’t had a drink since the red wine incident of 2012. However, my husband found cocktail flavored jelly beans and we plan to have those as a substitute. It’s a tiny little pack of jelly beans which cost a fraction of a cocktail at a bar or restaurant. I just hope it’s as tasty.
4. Did a craft. I know this sounds weird but stick with me. Apparently, the 9 year anniversary is the pottery anniversary. Instead of going somewhere and getting all Ghost, my husband went to the craft store and bought us plaster ice cream cones and paint for us to do at home (not quite pottery but close enough). So much less expensive and I don’t have to contend with other people complaining about how they suck at art. Double bonus!
5. DIY present. I can’t divulge too much detail because the husband sometimes reads DMS. Even though I don’t ask him to get me a present, I still like to do something for him. I have something planned this year that involves Pinterest, Snapfish, and the Dollar Store. It will probably cost me all of $5, a few hours of my time, and it’ll be more valuable than any golf club I could buy.

We decided to do it this way because a) we’re on a much tighter budget this year than ever before and b) we’re trying to save money for a big 10 year anniversary celebration. We want to go on vacation, with our daughter, and doing that is going to require spending a good amount of cash. By saving money this year, that gives us a little more to put away for next year’s big one.

For us, the most important part of celebrating our anniversary is not how much money we spend or the presents we have to show off. No, for us, the important part is doing something that’s meaningful and special. And that can be free.

Readers, how do you celebrate your anniversary in a frugal fashion? Any tips for us for upcoming years?